eek!

so i've fallen off the blogging bandwagon. whoops. i've sort of got stuck in a dry funk this last month or so. haven't wanted to write in here, write in my journal (in over a month! that's huge for me!) or read my bible. or read anything else for that matter. no wonder i've been so crabby lately. i'm not pleasant when i get stuck in these ruts. i get pessimistic, hopeless, grumpy, impatient...the list goes on. i look at what everyone else has and think that i will never have these things (a JOB, get married, pay off loans, you get my point). and i hate that. i look at other people's lives and think "if only mine was like this, or like that, i would be happy..." REALITY CHECK MEGAN! not true! side note-i don't really believe i won't ever have those things, i just get impatient.

so i'm jumping back in headfirst and digging into Him this week. i hate these dry spells where i don't feel Him around me. or constantly focus on other people's lives. i need to start believing that the promises of the Lord are true, not just for other people, but for ME too. He wants to bless me. i don't write this to sound self-centered, or focused on myself...but it's difficult for me to freely accept that the Lord truly wants to bless me and will follow through on His promises over my life. i pray these things over others all the time, but it's hard for me to wholeheartedly accept them and believe these things will come to me as well.

i really dislike how difficult it is to jump back in once i've put things off for a while. it doesn't make sense to me because of course i want to be spending time with the Lord again, be in the Word...but i keep putting it off. it's easier to sit down in front of a tv and not spend time journaling or reading. sad. no more though, my heart needs to jump in again and stay there. i don't like who i am apart from God.