good weekend.

i had a great weekend. jordan came and kept me company as half of my family is currently in Jamaica and left me home to dogsit. (i am getting paid though, so i'm somewhat ok with it ha) we celebrated our three year anniversary since it's this wednesday and we won't see each other. i made him one of my quilts and i'm pretty sure he liked it a lot! we went out to dinner saturday night in toledo and i found a fabulous pair of grey work pants at gap which i have been searching and searching for!

the only sucky part is the whole goodbye part. i am so incredibly sick of this long-distance stuff. going on two years of it now and it's just sort of annoying. it definitely has been a blessing being able to spend a week here and there with him and his family, but still...i can't wait to be in the same place. to do normal stuff together on a regular basis, like grocery shop, cook, take a walk, just have a regular relationship. until then...hooray for seeing each other on the weekends. someday...

grace.

so i'm struggling today. i got rejected from yet another job. a full-time job i was maybe hoping to at least get an interview out of. however, i did get good news that i can do this pediatric fellowship at the Children's Hospital of Michigan (even though there is no grant money to be given to me, hooray for working for free, story of my life). even though i am 95% sure i am going to do this fellowship (because really for me, working with kids is the only thing i can think of that i have always LOVED doing), it still sucks to be rejected for the millionth time. i know it's not me. it's not that i'm not smart enough or i couldn't do the job. but its still a blow to me every time it happens. for those of you job searching, you know what i'm talking about. if you're in school right now, praise God you don't have to look for a job yet in this sucky job market. i had a break down today so i took a hot shower and reminded myself to prayer because when i get into a freak out mode, i forget to do that.

and even though i don't know exactly what's going to happen in the next six months, i know that i have a family (and friends) who would bend over backwards for me. and i have a God that is still right beside me even when i don't understand and He is good. and He will provide, maybe not exactly in the ways i want Him to, but He will. and i'll remember this when i find myself faltering:

so let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. there we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. hebrews 4:16

patience.

so i've had a couple people pray over me the last couple of months that outpouring is coming into my life soon, that seasons are going to be changing. it has been cool to watch that play out and see it happen. i always have struggled with feeling peace and having patience. i feel like God's theme for my life is waiting. sometimes i get frustrated with this, but i've been learning to embrace it rather than push it away and through this i've been able to experience peace a lot more. go figure. i need things to be planned out for me, to know how things are going to play out and in what order, but the Lord doesn't work like that.

through my frustration though, i get attacked by the enemy convincing me of things that aren't true about God. like He doesn't really care that much about me, i'm not good enough for His favor, or He isn't going to come through for me. i just listened to a podcast about suffering, perserverance and sacrifice by Kris Vallotton (they are free on Itunes, download him!) and he said this:"don't changethe nature of God just because you don't understand." this is what i've been clinging to (that and His word of course) lately. remembering that He is good, the essence of who God is is love. i am learning to praise Him amidst my struggles and remember the grace i am given for today is enough. my life is relatively simple right now. i'm not married yet, i don't have huge financial burdens, no kids, so i am thankful i am learning how to find peace and perseverance now, so when i need it even more, i will be even more confident in Him and His goodness.

stay where you remain,
do not fall, do not fall.
something greater is on the way,
just hang on, try to hang on.
DCB 'the veil'

interviews.

yuck, i hate interviews. i don't like the formality of them, i don't like how they make my insides feel before i step into the office/room where i will be interviewed and i don't like actually feeling my blood and adrenaline pumping through my veins, its creepy. i had an interview at akron city hospital yesterday. everyone keeps asking me how it went, but honestly i have NO clue. i felt OK about it after i left, but then starting freaking out last night because it was short that they just wrote me off pretty quickly. it was not super formal as i thought it would be which was nice, but not a lot of questions pertaining to my knowledge of being a clinical dietitian were asked. i hoped i put off that i was confident, because i was. but i just don't know. so please pray it went well. i got a great feeling about the hospital and its programs, and really think it would an awesome starting point.

i also got offered a job at american eagle (my lifelong dream!). ha not. i called to let the manager know i would have to wait until i heard back from this other interview and she said "well, that's why i asked why you wanted to work here,that's why i asked that in your interview. we really want people who want to work at american eagle with today's trends and if we're second on your list then i don't know if we can use you." REALLY?! come on. i have a college education, an internship AND im a registered dietitian, all of which she knows. i haven't gone through all of that to work at AE and know the "trends" of today AND make 7.30 an hour. so needless to say, i won't be sad if i call back next week and they don't offer me the job again.

before my interview i prayed that my interview would go well and asked for a peace either way-that if i get the job, that's awesome. but if i don't, that i might feel just a tiny bit of disappointment, but know that there is something else. i have no control over this and just hope that something about me stuck out over other candidates. for now i'm going to enjoy my weekend in c-town with jordan and his family and celebrating the twin's birthday on sunday! :)

weddings!

so i'm in my friends nick and beth's wedding in may and her shower/bachelorette party was this weekend! it was a a blast. the party was pretty low key (exactly my style of party! haha) and the shower was a lot of fun. i made these really fun sunflower cupcakes. nick was jordan's roommate in college and that's how beth and i became friends. they are super awesome and are both very eco-friendly centered people. so i was pretty pumped when i found these perfect recycled glass wine glasses for them. oh and J and i got them the perfect wedding present for may!! do you get excited when you find the perfect present for someone? i sure do! i do like getting presents (can't wait for my own wedding shower!), but i love giving perfect presents. i get frustrated when i can't think of a good present for someone because i don't like to give gifts just to give them. im so incredibly excited to be in this wedding and see two of my best friends get married. its been amazing to see them come this far; i love being involved in this part of people's lives. i'm pretty emotional too (ambs, i lost it at your wedding!!)


here's my little rant session-at dinner tonight my sister said that they passed a billboard coming home from florida in alabama that said "if you don't go to church, the devil will find you". and was telling us about some students down there (i'm assuming on some mission spring break trip) who were giving students rides back from the bars at night. this is all well and good, except one of them one night attempted to "save" my sister, bf and a group of her friends while taking them back to the hotel. he grabbed two girls hands and started praying for them without asking them. i have a problem with this type of thing. YES i love the Lord, yes i want people to be able to experience Him and have a relationship with Him. but i get angry at people (even with good intentions) who try to force it on people. it's what turns people off. it ruins what the heart of the Lord truly is and who He is. i'm not perfect and i have made plenty of mistakes in the past, many of which i still struggle with. but i want to spread truth, not force my beliefs on someone. it's about a relationship, not a set of rules to follow or just going to church every sunday (which yes, i do think church is important of course).

i do believe the Lord changes people's heart, even those you may think will not ever change. i do believe we should spread His message, however, i do not think it is our place to change people's minds for them by trying to spread His message through desperation, with force or through threats (i.e. you're going to hell). this only gives the enemy more of a foot in the door in turning people away from Him. any thoughts?

running.

so i love running. i think most people know that. i've ran 4 half marathons and a full marathon and it is so incredibly addicting. if you are not a runner, i know what you are thinking..."you are crazy, it is not addicting and i detest running". (churchie maybe?! ha!) but really, it is addicting. now when i started running, i did hate it. i hated it with a fiery passion-just ask my roommate colby. my first half marathon was not the prettiest thing in the world and i was praising God when i got to stop and didn't want to run ever again. i cried during my full because i was beyond exhaustion and in pain and swore i wouldn't do another full for a long time.

however, my running bug has set in again and i want to do a full this fall (not spring because a.it was too cold to train early enough and b.i have NO money for an entry fee!). i think about every GOOD run i had while training last year, the feeling when i accomplished my first 20 mile run (and peed my pants! hehe), and how fun is was to discover the town i was living in (Troy, Mi) through my running. plus running for me is perfect God time. i stick some worship music on my ipod shuffle (lovingly given to me by jordan, best present EVER) and off i go. no one else but me, my feet and Him for however long i am out. i DO like to run sometimes with people, but i love that its such a good de-stressor and alone time. plus i got to watch my amazing little sister finish her first half and getting the running bug too which was almost better than finishing my full! i was SO proud.

i guess this post doesn't have much purpose, other than telling you how much i love running. i think it's important for everyone to have a healthy outlet such as running to de-stress. exercising does the body wonders. really.

strong love.

so i graduated my old blog for this one. who knows if i'll keep up with it or if anyone reads it, but here it goes! i love this song by the beatles and decided to name my blog it because it's my life motto right now which so many unknowns and what-ifs.

i realize the following post is going to make me sound incredibly naive and perhaps somewhat spoiled, so please bear with me. lately, my little eyes have been slowly been opened to how much MONEY everything costs. everything. i'll admit, i have been spoiled growing up and still am to a large extent. i'm thankful beyond words for everything, every experience and every memory my parents have provided me thus far in life. i have amazing memories of family vacations, have had awesome christmases, and have been blessed with a college education. but being on the wall teetering towards true adulthood, i am totally freaking out about the cord being cut. how am I supposed to completely support myself? how do i pay for rent, water, electricity, my cell phone, car payments, loans, food, gas, etc? perhaps this will seem slightly more doable when i know what making more than 7.50 an hour feels like, but still.

im a details person. i think about evvvverything, especially things i shouldn't be worrying about yet. (like how the heck am i going to save enough money to send my children to college? really megan? you aren't even engaged yet.) and most of this is done in my head or in my journal, only a few people have been blessed with hearing these ridiculous worries. BUT the good news is, despite my extreme ridiculousness, the Lord is right there next to me whenever i snap out of freaking out and realize "oh yeah, i can't do this on my own, duh." every time, He is there without fail. there is not one single time He has not come through or provided for me in my time of need.

and it's more than "letting go and letting God" or whatever that phrase is...it's about my relationship with Him. it's not simply about letting God; He gives us free will and it's about that choice to realize i can't do this apart from Him; i will shrink down and fail miserably. but realizing that i can do this through Him. i know life isn't perfect and i'm learning more and more that i can't make it fit to the specifications i think are best for me. i'm learning how to find peace in that and keep my hope that the destiny i have in Him is better than anything i can think of (even if that's hard for me to comprehend sometimes).

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
let Your kingdom come in my world
and in my life.

so why should i worry?
why do i freak out?
God knows what i need
You know what i need.
-jon foreman 'your love is strong'
(amazing song, download it.)