grace.

so i'm struggling today. i got rejected from yet another job. a full-time job i was maybe hoping to at least get an interview out of. however, i did get good news that i can do this pediatric fellowship at the Children's Hospital of Michigan (even though there is no grant money to be given to me, hooray for working for free, story of my life). even though i am 95% sure i am going to do this fellowship (because really for me, working with kids is the only thing i can think of that i have always LOVED doing), it still sucks to be rejected for the millionth time. i know it's not me. it's not that i'm not smart enough or i couldn't do the job. but its still a blow to me every time it happens. for those of you job searching, you know what i'm talking about. if you're in school right now, praise God you don't have to look for a job yet in this sucky job market. i had a break down today so i took a hot shower and reminded myself to prayer because when i get into a freak out mode, i forget to do that.

and even though i don't know exactly what's going to happen in the next six months, i know that i have a family (and friends) who would bend over backwards for me. and i have a God that is still right beside me even when i don't understand and He is good. and He will provide, maybe not exactly in the ways i want Him to, but He will. and i'll remember this when i find myself faltering:

so let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. there we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. hebrews 4:16